Throughout our lives, we interact and form relationships with many people; obviously with the people we become close to, we develop a level of emotional attachment to them. How do we know, though, when this emotional attachment becomes too much? Not that it's a bad thing to be close to people, but what if you get to the point with someone in which they mean so much to you that having any sort of conflict with them seriously stresses you out and makes you constantly concerned that they will no longer be a part of your life? Or that whenever they've expressed being close to other friends, you feel somewhat jealous of them, sure that they must be better people than you and that the relationship you have with this person is not as strong or important to the other person as their relationship with their other friends? It's obviously not a healthy mindset to have, if you're constantly worrying...but what should you do in order to reassure yourself that you're not in danger of losing one of the closest people in your life? Would it help to tell the other person how you're feeling, or would it be useless, since the issues you're having all have to do with your own emotions and feelings rather than any actions they're taking?
Also, what happens when someone you really care about seems to change after not seeing/talking to them for a while? I mean, I know people change...they're not always going to be the same exact person you know for the entire period of time that you know them, but if they go from being someone you're really close with and love spending time with to someone who seems bored and not really into hanging out with you, has a completely different attitude from how they used to, and just make you feel like you're really insignificant and not an important part of their life anymore, is it really worth trying to maintain the friendship?
I hope this entry made sense and that you were all able to follow what I was saying; I know I used a bunch of run-on, rambling sentences. >.< I'm sorry for that, I just really wasn't sure how else to phrase them.
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4 comments:
I understood what you meant. Especially in regards to the first paragraph. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year & I'm convinced he's the most important person in my life. When we have huge fights, you could probably find me hyperventilating in a bathroom, scared that we're going to break up & my life is going to be over. It's not healthy. It's not healthy at all. I know this & my boyfriend, well, he knows too. But I can't help it--it's just the way I am. I get very attached. Anyway, whoever this person is... you should probably talk to him/her. I always feel better when my boyfriend lets me know that I'm very important to him & he has a strong attachment to me as well. I figure it should work both ways, you know? If you have this attachment to someone, s/he probably has an attachment to you as well... Which means s/he cares about you & can, you know, help you out with these feelings. I know the degree of how easy that conversation is to have varies depending on your relationship with the other person but more often than not, it'll be a conversation that goes well, I think.
Wow. I hope THAT made sense.
As for part two, people tend to drift apart. It really sucks, but it happens. If this is a friendship you really care about, maybe you can talk to the person about it? I know that's probably one of the most awkward/difficult conversations you can have with someone, but hey! It can either make the friendship stronger, or you both go your separate ways. In the latter case, you stop wasting your time with someone you no longer really have fun with. It's a win-win in my opinion! ^_^
(Sorry about the "s/hes" & the "him/hers". I'm working on my grammar.)
(Lawlz, I'm currently posting as Voldy, just so you know. Creepy interwebz reading my mind.)
Aaanyway. Basically what the above poster said, really. Stuff like this happens, and you could try to mend it. If it doesn't work, then you either try harder, or let it rest. I've learned the hard way that sometimes, the latter is necessary. (You probably know about that already, and if not, I don't blame you, because it was long ago, sort of...)
Loff ya and stuff. *hugs* Talk to you soon--oh, never mind, right now. XD
Mmm... I know what you mean. Back in high school, I love Ellen to pieces, so much that thinking of leaving her made me cry more than once, because I was scared that she would go to college and find a better best friend. I hadn't had a best friend since I was 10 before her, and she knew all the dorky bits of me and was just as dorky and we used to actually partake in the dorky activities together because we understood how awesome it was to just be a complete soppy geek. No one else I knew understood that, it was mostly just that they were like, oh you're into that? Well, whatever floats your boat... if I even told them that I was into it to begin with, because most of the time I didn't trust them enough to let them know all the embarrassing truths about me. But those, y'know, they WERE me. And Ellen understood them and so we were just the best of friends. But there was always something in my heart that did make me cry when I would think of her leaving because I guess I always felt I knew that I needed her so much more than she needed me - like leaving and losing me wouldn't hurt her like leaving and losing her would hurt me. Then all that crap happened and things with her ended before their time. She didn't necessarily want them to - for example I know she wanted me to go to her party and stuff, but it was like... I told you this was going to happen. And she had shown me that she didn't need me like I needed her, because she was willing to give up our friendship to avoid confrontation with our other friends. That hurt. I don't think Ellen ever saw me cry before I told her that I'd been waiting a long time for someone to step in and say something, but nobody cared what they were doing to me. So she had to have known I meant it, but in the end it was bitter disappointment that I left her with the last time we spoke. That's how I feel about being attached to people so much. Like I spent all this time worrying about whether I was really her best friend - and I knew I was - but I didn't know whether she saw it in the same light that I did. Because to me a best friend is someone you do anything for, and I always have been willing to make that sacrifice. What I wanted from Ellen was a simple thing, in my opinion, but it was something she wouldn't or couldn't give to me, and so I got my answer. She didn't care as much as I did, and that was why I worried so much all along. If you know somebody that will make that sacrifice for you, then you never have to worry whether they need you as much as you need them, and that means you never have to worry about whether a fight means you won't be friends anymore... because you know that no matter what you care about each other so damn much that nothing will ever change it. There are so few people like that in the world, that can take anything and forget it because of the way they love you. Megan does that for me, and you have no idea how much I needed a friend like her. I think that is what this person is to you, and I will tell you straight out that that is love, right there, whether it's romantic or friendship or whatever it may be, it's just love. I know I love Megan, sometimes I swear I must be convincing people that I am a lesbian also with the way I talk about her. But the truth is that I just appreciate her so much, as you do this person. And you know, I think that that person does you, too. If your heart tells you that they do, then you know.
Hmm this is a tricky situation you have here. it sucks that you're having this problem with your friend. What I think would be best is talk to him/her about it; but if this friend has drifted away from you there's a reason that may have nothing to do with you. therfore if you make an effort to keep this friendship than that's great; it shows you still care about him/her. however if this friend still feels distant and doesn't want to bother with you than maybe its best to just let them out of your life. i mean if you're making the effort to keep in touch its only right that him/her reciprocate but if they dont then who needs them? people change unfortunately but it might be better knowing who is worth your time. i dont want to sound mean but i dont like when i make an effort to do something and people dont appreciate it or acknowledge it. hopefully whatever you decide to do works out for the best!
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