It's one of those age old questions, like "Which came first; the chicken or the egg?" or "If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Unlike those two questions, though, this one's not really a question that could possibly be resolved with a definite answer, since it really depends on the individual and their views on life/experiences, rather than the other two which are argued pretty much entirely based on logical answers (or attempts to be logical, anyways).
When I was in eighth grade, I really believed that life would be better if there were no emotions at all. Based on some of the negative experiences that I'd gone through, I thought it would be better if I'd never have to feel anything at all, rather than have to experience anything similar to how I felt in past situations. At that point, I thought that even if having no emotions meant that I would never be able to be happy or cheerful again, it'd be worth it not to feel sadness and pain anymore. So, in eighth grade if someone had asked me if it's better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all, I'd definitely say never to love at all, because I wouldn't have had to feel the pain of losing someone you care about so much.
I understand why I thought that way at the time...but looking back on it now, I don't agree anymore. The idea of living without emotions doesn't appeal to me at all now; in fact, it scares me a little. I watched an episode of House this season where a man and his daughter had anhedonia, which is an inability to experience pleasure from normally pleasurable life events, and it was scary. I know it might have been due to the way it was portrayed in the show, but still. The thought of being so robotic, so unresponsive to everything around you, unable to laugh hysterically with a friend about something absolutely ridiculous or to smile because you got a Christmas card in the mail from your friend or to feel good about doing something nice for someone else...I don't know. It just seems to me that everything would be so dull and boring and the worst part of it all is that if I didn't have emotions, I wouldn't even KNOW how bad it would be, because I wouldn't care about anything.
So, now if anyone was to ask me, "Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all?" I would definitely say that it's better to have loved and lost. I know it's not an easy experience to go through...to have someone in your life who you care about so fucking much, who means everything to you, and then to have something happen and they're not a part of your life anymore. It's awful. It's one of the worst things that a person could ever go through, in my opinion. However, I'd go through the pain if it meant I got to experience what it's like to truly love someone, rather than go through life never knowing what it's like to love and be loved.
Which brings me to my second question: “What’s love like?”
I was reading a story yesterday and it had some really good quotes that I thought could be used to describe love.
“It’s like… having warmth inside you. That nothing can ever take away. That you carry around in your heart, and that you would do anything for. Kill for, fight for, die for. It’s intensely beautiful and it’s always full of pain, mingled, because you bleed it. But it’s like… bullets and flowers and sunshine in winter.” This one means a lot to me because it shows how love can be simultaneously the greatest thing and the most painful thing in your life, but no matter how much it may hurt, the happiness that it brings is worth it all.
"The love I have inside me is like a supernova, a star inside a cage, alive and burning until I think I’ll explode." I liked this one because it shows how intense love can be. How you can care for someone so much, so strongly that sometimes you don't know how you can feel all these emotions and feelings for someone. It's so exhilarating, and you get this rush of happiness and it's like...you love this person so much and so deeply that you don't know how you can contain it all within yourself. Idk. I can't really explain it very well...but I understand it, haha.
“You… made me feel like I was… more than I am.” I feel like this one sounds a bit cliche...but I love it regardless. To find someone who makes you see yourself in new and different ways that you wouldn't have if that other person hadn't been there. Someone who makes you do more, see more, feel more, be more than what you thought you could. Someone who challenges you to go beyond your limits but supports you every step of the way.
And, my favorite: "It's impossible to describe: just the knowing that somebody is there who you've wanted there all your life." This one pretty much sums up how I feel about love: it's really not something you can put into words. It's just that when you find someone who just means so much to you, and they're pretty much everything you've ever wanted in a person, and they make your life so amazing just by being in it...then that's love right there.
Yeah, so I kind of feel like a sappy romantic writing this post...which contrasts with the insensitive, cold-hearted cynic I've always considered myself, haha. I just think that finding someone you really love who loves you just as much in return is one of the greatest things that could happen to anyone.
4 comments:
Firstly, I love your strategic use of quotes here.
Secondly, yes. And it is like half the reason I like that story (the other half of course has nothing to do with fluff) because the author is just like... so damn good at describing things. Like, you have always felt this way but you can't express it but there it is, and she knew what I felt all along.
I don't think you're coldhearted or cynical, though. You just see the world differently. I AM a sappy romantic, and I always will be a sappy romantic. Just like I will always be a Yuffie fangirl. Despite never actually having played that game.
Oh, we know what we're talking about, who cares if no one else does.
Tegan you bring up a great point about feeling emotions. Yeah sometimes they're scary and sometimes they're wonderful but I agree, I wouldn't want to be robotic or feel numb all the time. I think that's why so many people desort to drugs/alcohol: for that little while they are absent of all emotions and feel completely numb. People need to learn that these vices aren't essentially going to help the problem; it's only temporary numbness.
Oh and about love; sometimes I don't think we can control it. It's jsut there, which is why it's so hard to describe. I think people feel love differently because there is so many different types of love: love for a friend, a family member, a pet, a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, hey even a band or t.v show. Whatever or whoever it is, it's a pretty special feeling that I don't think can be expressed properly in words, but in this case I loved the quotes you used. I did'nt find them cheesy at all. May I ask what book they're from?
... bullets and flowers and sunshine in winter.
That is my favorite line. I don't know why, but it is. It's one of the best definitions of love I have heard so far, and definitely better than anything dictionary.com can come up with. I guess with bullets because it can hurt like a bitch, flowers because they are beautiful, and sunshine in the winter because it makes the cold times a little warmer, and can be a little rare.
I don't know if that makes any sense.
What would life be without experiencing love? Not even romantic love, but platonic love, love of foods, love of animals, love of knowledge, love of objects even. We would feel so empty, wondering what exactly is the purpose of living in a cold, cruel world? It is a cold, cruel world, but we make it a little warmer with the love we have for other things. And yes, it is painful to lose someone or something you absolutely love. Sometimes, the pain can be so great we wonder whether loving is really worth the trouble. Most of the time, it is.
Nice supporting evidence! Check plus, all the way =]
Lovely reflection on love. The quotes were really good ones, something to chew on for a moment.
As a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, I would definitely choose to have loved and lost. It depends on what kind of love you speak of, but I guess I'll just talk about it in its general context.
Sometimes I have defense mechanisms, where I close myself off to people and don't open up to the possibilities of what might be a budding friendship/relationship. I try not to trust my gut feelings because of the mess they've gotten me into in the past. I shrink back instead of walking forward, for fear of getting hurt.
But lately, it hardly matters at all anymore. Love comes and goes of its own volition. You can try to work on it, to try and nurture it like kindling in a warm hearth, but you can't force it. Like fire, it takes on a life of its own. And to fall for someone just because you're in love with the idea of love is really just a bad move, quite frankly.
Love, to me, is cherishing someone close to you unconditionally, knowing that s/he can leave you at any given moment, whether it's of their own free will or not. Life's too short and unpredictable. You know not the hour. Every moment counts, so we have to make the most of what we have. We should appreciate the people that surround us with care and concern.
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