Phrasing.

So I'm at the point where I'm updating this blog about once a month now...which is pretty good, I guess. Despite the massive amount of time I spend procrastinating instead of doing homework and studying, I don't always have the time and energy to write...and sometimes I just don't have anything to write about. I'll try to keep up with my one-entry-a-month pattern, though, even though I may be more compelled to write once the semester's over and I have more free time. I guess there's no way to tell until the time actually comes.

Anyways...on to what I initially came here to write about: phrasing things.

Putting things into words is an easier concept for some people than for others. Some people can automatically convert their thoughts and feelings into an articulate description without giving it much thought, while others spend a much more considerable amount of time struggling to come up with the "right" way to say what they want to say. As I've been told many times, "it's not just about what you say, but how you say it." It's not always just about the words themselves- it's about the meaning behind them, the tone and attitude that goes along with them, as well as the audience the words are being directed to. For example, when talking to my friends about a character who used to be on a TV show that I like, I'd probably say something such as "David Palmer is epic! He's really smart and always listens to Jack, since he knows he's always right, which is why he's the best president." However, if I was attempting to analyze his character when writing a review of the show, I'd be more likely to phrase it like "David Palmer is an outstanding character. He is an authoritative president who is strong in his beliefs and decisions, and his unfailing trust in Jack Bauer ensures that he is making the best decisions for his country." Both statements mean pretty much the same thing, but are phrased differently due to the different audiences they are intended for.

Another issue that many people have is trying to avoid having their words come across in a way that they don't intend them to. This is especially difficult in writing, since no one is actually speaking the words so the tone behind them can often be misunderstood. Someone may be trying to phrase something in a matter-of-fact, logical tone and actually have it come across as harsh, as a result of how they said it. I've often worried that things I've said will appear to be angry or critical when they aren't meant to be at all. That's one reason I often avoid talking about things that make me angry or upset- not only do I prefer to avoid conflict, but I'm afraid I won't be able to express it properly, and I'll end up making whoever I'm talking/writing to angry, frustrated, annoyed, or have them think I'm stupid for feeling the way I do. I mean, sometimes that's not all due to the way things are phrased- sometimes the way a person reacts to something will be the same no matter how you say it, just because of their own personal beliefs/thoughts, but many times the wording really does make a difference. I mean, saying "Oh my god, you never listen to me when I talk, all you do is talk about yourself," compared to "Sometimes I feel like you don't really pay attention to the things I say, and it makes me feel like you don't really care," is different, in my opinion...the first one is more accusing, while the other one leans more toward explaining how you feel about the situation, and then giving the other person a chance to give their point, hopefully without having to be defensive (which would probably occur in the first scenario).

So...yeah. (Great display of eloquence there, I know.) Putting things into words and having them turn out exactly the way you want them to isn't always an easy task, but the feeling of finally phrasing something in just the way you want it to, and having it carry out just the right effect, definitely makes the struggle (or the gift, if you're one of the lucky ones out there who doesn't have much trouble with it) for good wording worth it. ^^

Optimism & cynicism.

Many people who have known me have thought of me as being cynical. In fact, I actually called myself cynical from the moment I learned it in third grade when we had it as a vocabulary word, where it was defined as "doubting the good intentions of others." However, many people have also considered me to be a positive and optimistic person; one of my friends even went as far as to say that I live too much in the land of "rainbows and fluffy bunnies" and need to be a bit more realistic sometimes.

So, after being called both optimistic and cynical, I'd have to say that I'm a bit of both. I'm cynical in the aspect that I do tend to be paranoid and suspicious about many things (although part of that could be attributed to the fact that I'm a New Yorker. XD), that it's hard for me to accept compliments, and that whenever I'm happy, I know that happiness won't last forever. At the same time, I'm optimistic because I'm grateful for the many wonderful people and things in my life that I have, and because even though I know that I'm not always going to be happy, and there will be moments in my life when I'm stressed or feeling down, knowing that helps me appreciate the happy and fun moments even more. After all, if we were happy all the time, how would we really know what happiness was? Going through difficult times makes the good times more worthwhile and meaningful in comparison, at least in my opinion.

I came up with this quote a few weeks ago when I was feeling sad: "If you ever need reasons to be happy, just think of each one of your friends." It's definitely a quote that applies to me, and I'm sure it applies to many others as well. My friends are really important to me, and just knowing that I have each one of them as a part of my life is enough to make me happy. Even if thinking about that when I'm upset may not always be able to completely fix whatever it is that's causing my sadness or bad mood, it's definitely enough to be able to alleviate it at least slightly, and remind me that no matter how bad things may get, I have wonderful friends who make my life better just by being in it and being themselves. (As corny as it may sound, it's true.) The way I see it, even if you only have one friend, that's still one more reason to be happy than if you don't have any at all.

Judging from this entry, I come across here as a lot more of an optimist than a cynic- like I said, I think I'm a bit of both, and I don't think there's a problem with having both qualities as long as they're in healthy amounts. Being overly cynical can be detrimental if you're constantly being suspicious of people and you can't learn to open up to and trust anyone, and being too optimistic can be problematic if you're so hopeful and assured that things will be able to go a certain way that you aren't able to look at situations from a realistic perspective.

I really wish I had some awesome way of tying this entry together and "ending it with a bang," as our teachers always told us to do when writing conclusions, but I'm actually really tired and probably should've written this entry when I was more coherent. >.> Still, though, I hope it makes sense and isn't too full of massive run-ons, haha.

I was uncool before uncool was cool.

Almost everyone, at some point in their life, has probably wanted to be considered cool. Whether it's through the way they present themselves ("Cool shirt" or "Oh, you got a haircut, it looks really cool!"), or through an action they do ("Yo, you went skydiving? Cool!") people want to do things that get them accepted into social circles, that make them either fit in or stand out in a positive way.

But what does it really mean to be "cool"?

In my opinion, it's not something that's easy to define, since pretty much everything may be considered cool by some people but lame by others. I mean, some people might think lava lamps are awesome (myself included XD), while others may find them ridiculous, and not understand why people are so fascinated by colorful glowing blobs encased in glass. It works the other way around, too; some people may think polka dotted clothing is unattractive while other people really like the style.

As for acting "cool," though, I don't think it's always such a pressing issue for everyone. I mean, some people are in situations where they're expected to act certain ways with certain groups of people, otherwise they may be criticized, which leads them to feel that they need to hold back certain aspects of their personality. Also, people may be uncomfortable with certain ways that they act- even if it hasn't been judged, they just feel awkward about their own actions and that they should change themselves in order to feel more at ease.

I know that in many aspects, I would never be considered cool. One of my closest friends has told me many times that I am lame, a dork, a loser, etc. and while I know he's kidding and just picking on me in a joking way, at the same time, I know there's a grain of truth to his statements. A lot of the things I say come completely out of nowhere, don't make much sense, or end up sounding kind of stupid...not to mention I tend to tell really bad stories that have no point whatsoever. So yeah, listening to me talk may seem like a total WTF-fest at times, and a lot of the things I say and do could make me come across as kind of a major dork. Sometimes I feel a little self-concious about it, I'm not gonna lie. I feel as if I should change the way I act or live a different sort of lifestyle...but then I think about it and I think about certain things other people do and I really don't want to have their lifestyles. Even if I might seem kind of eccentric...I have fun, and I'm happiest when I'm with my friends hanging out and just having fun with them, being random and crazy and talking about anything and everything. I'm sure that's true for most people out there...no matter what their idea of having fun or being cool is.

So, yeah...even though there are times when I'm not entirely secure with myself, I'm pretty sure that's the same with everyone out there. Overall, I think that it's better to accept all the qualities of your personality, even if some of them may be considered lame or dorky or whatever...and even though not everyone may be understanding of them, when you're able to find good friends who you can completely be yourself around without worrying about how stupid or ridiculous you may look or sound (especially if they're with you acting just as ridiculous, haha) it's a great feeling. As this quote that you may recognize says, "Be a dork, because life's too short to be cool."